Give Me Strength
by Sapphira Rayes
Summary: Aaron doesn't reply and I notice that he's staring off into space again. He has been doing that a lot in the past couple of days. There's something on his mind and it's worrying me because I don't know what it is. One shot.


**Give Me Strength**

_You dare to light my path  
And found beauty in the aftermath._

**Disclaimer: Emmerdale isn't mine.

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"I got you a coffee."

"Cheers," Aaron replies gratefully, as he shuts the bonnet of the car he's working on. It's a red Peugeot and if I'm honest, it looks beyond fixing. The owner has obviously crashed into something, completely wrecking it.

Aaron takes a gulp of his coffee and doesn't speak to me. I can see his throat muscles contract and relax and I smile, remembering just what his mouth can do when put to good use. Then I realise how closely I'm watching him and it seems that Aaron does too, from the confused expression on his face. I feel like a bit of a pervert.

"Are you busy?" I ask him.

He looks at me like I'm stupid. "Are you blind?" he returns in his usual sarcastic way, gesturing towards the red car behind him.

I smile and start to say something, but Cain interrupts and glares at me.

"Stop distracting him," he says to me irritably. "I don't pay lover boy here to stand around all day talking to you."

I shrug and put a hand on his shoulder. "You're just jealous. Just remember," I say, winking at him, "There's enough of me to go around."

Cain looks a bit freaked out before he composes himself to make an answer. "You're pushing it," he warns and he shouts to Aaron to get on with his work before heading back inside the garage.

I laugh silently, not sure whether Aaron will appreciate me winding up his boss. He's been in a funny mood all day. Not to mention the fact that he loves Cain. He looks up to him, respects him, wants to be like him. It annoys the hell out of me and I find myself wishing, not for the first time, that Aaron had better role models around him.

I sigh. It's a shame that Paddy came into Aaron's life so late on. Had he been there earlier on in Aaron's childhood….

"What's up with you?" Aaron asks blankly, his voice breaking my reverie.

I shake my head. "Just thinking about what I've got to do this afternoon," I lie smoothly. How could I tell him that I was contemplating the reasons as to why he was so messed up? Like that would go down well.

He doesn't reply and I notice that he's staring off into space again. He has been doing that a lot in the past couple of days. There's something on his mind and it's worrying me because I don't know what it is.

"Are you alright?" I blurt out before I know what I'm saying.

He looks surprised and says, "I'm fine." But his answer is a little too quick to be true, and his eyes dart to the floor, giving him away.

Aaron has never been a particularly good liar. He's good at not saying anything, though. He's good at deflecting questions, and he's also good at changing the subject. He's _very_ good at hiding. That's what he is doing now. Having quickly drunk the remnants of his coffee, he has chucked the polystyrene cup away and has opened the car bonnet again, anxious to get away from me. The thought hurts. But I shrug the feeling off as best I can and realise that Aaron has only shut himself off for now.

I'll speak to him again later.

* * *

It's six o'clock, four hours on, and I'm heading back to Smithy's. I'm still thinking about Aaron – like I think about anything else these days. The thought is so true that it makes me smile wryly. Everything I do is pretty much centred around him now. I wonder briefly is he realises this, and I decide that he doesn't. Aaron would never think he is the centre of anyone's life because he doesn't understand how anyone could love him that much. But love him I do, in spite of his violent, psychopathic ways.

I open the door and am greeted by the melodious sound of Aaron swearing. What a welcome home. He's carping at Paddy (not that that's anything out of the ordinary), and my Mum is looking on with an odd expression on her face.

"I've told you before: don't touch my stuff!"

Ah. So that's the problem.

"Well, I wouldn't need to if you sorted it yourself," says Paddy calmly, ever patient.

"I pay you rent for a room, not for you to go through my things!"

"I was tidying!"

"Yeah, well, don't bother."

"Look, I understand that you like living in a pig-sty. But I see enough pig-stys at work, and I _really _don't want my house looking like one."

"Leave my stuff alone then!"

Paddy pauses. His eyes become shrewd and he softens his voice. "I don't know why it's bothering you so much?"

"Because you've moved everything and now I can't find anything."

"What are you looking for?"

"Nothing!"

And with that angry word, Aaron storms out of the kitchen and up the stairs. A second – and yes, the door slams.

I sigh and consider going after him. Eventually, I decide to get some case history from Paddy before wading in on him.

"What was that about?" I ask the vet.

Paddy shakes his head. "I don't know. He's been like that since yesterday now."

I'm glad that Paddy's noticed it too. "What are we going to do?"

He sighs. "If we wait for him to tell us we'll be here forever. I just don't want to pressure him and drive him further away. You know what he's like."

I nod – I know all too well what Aaron's like. He can be almost impossible to talk to sometimes, and yet he can still make me happier than I've ever felt.

"How about I go and talk to him? Then we can go from there."

Paddy smiles. "I'm glad he's got you. He might not say it, but you mean a lot to him."

I smile awkwardly, but I still feel pleased. Even if Aaron doesn't feel quite the same way about me as I do about him, it's a relief to know that he cares.

In spite of myself, I'm a little nervous as I knock on Aaron's door. Not because I think he's going to deck me, but because he's so unpredictable. Am I about to make things worse? I don't know.

There's no reply, so I just walk in anyway. Aaron's lying on his bed, hands behind his head, face strained. He looks towards me, looks confused and then looks back at the ceiling.

"Why did you knock?" he asks, and it's like he's asking the ceiling.

I shrug. "Thought you might want some space."

Aaron sighs. "I'm fine."

Of course you are, I think sarcastically, but I don't voice the thought. "What was all that about down there then?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Here we go. "Yes, you do," I counter.

"No, I don't."

"You, kicking off with Paddy."

"I didn't kick off."

"You came close."

"Whatever."

"You really get on my nerves when you're like this," I say irritably.

"Well, you know where the door is. Walk through it."

I close my eyes in frustration. "Aaron, why do you always make things so hard for yourself? All you have to do is tell me what's wrong with you and then we can fix it. Job done."

"'Bob the Builder… can he fix it? Yes, he can.'"

That puzzles me. It's obvious that he said it to mock me, but the way he said it was like he was talking to himself - like he was remembering something.

"Did you like 'Bob the Builder' as a kid?" I ask lightly, carefully watching for his reaction.

His jaw tightens. "Why are we talking about 'Bob the Builder'?" Aaron mutters wearily.

"I loved it," I continue. "Wendy was always my favourite character. And Bob, of course. He was my idol."

I look at Aaron and see him trying not to smile. I smile too.

"And the cat… Pochard, was it?" I say slyly. I know the cat's name, and it's not 'Pochard'.

"It's Pilchard," Aaron says with a roll of his eyes.

I grin to myself. "Oh yeah, that was it. Bit of 'Bob the Builder' fan yourself, were you?" I ask, with a sidelong glance at him.

"I watched a few episodes."

"I bet you did. Bet you never thought you'd find your own gorgeous Bob, though, huh?" I gesture to myself.

Aaron makes a noise that closely resembles a laugh. Yes, I think to myself. I'm making progress.

"Come on, then. What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

Aaron looks away. "Nothing important."

I raise my eyebrows.

He sighs and turns back to look at me. "Look, it's something and nothing. I'll sort it."

"If you're sure…" I leave the statement hanging in the air uncertainly.

"I'll sort it. Trust me."

I want to. I really do. "Okay," I say, deciding to let the matter drop for a while. At least he seemed to be cheering up.

"You worry too much," he replies, sitting up.

"Do I?" I look at him doubtfully. Somehow, I think Aaron's the kind of person that needs to be worried about.

He nods and leans closer towards me. His close proximity confuses me and I can't focus on anything but him. I forget what we have just been talking about – right now, it's just Aaron and his lips and his body. His hand touches mine. I feel like my heart is going to work itself into overdrive as his lips move closer and closer to mine. I look into his eyes, and all I see is him – Aaron without the issues, without the anger, without the hurt. It's just him wanting me, and the thought makes me smile pleasure. He's so close I can smell him and the scent tightens the familiar knot of desire just below my stomach. My trouser start to feel tight. And then his lips touch mine. I'm in heaven. It's amazing; how much one simple action can make me feel. He pulls away and before I can mourn the loss of his contact, our lips join again, and my tongue is in his mouth – or is it the other way round? He pulls me to him and I, in turn, push him down onto his bed, taking control. I feel his hardness on the inside of my thigh, the knowledge that I'm having that effect of him nearly making me growl in satisfaction.

Suddenly, kissing him isn't enough. I want more of him, and judging by his frenzied hands pulling at the fly on my jeans, he feels the same. I help him out, freeing my engorged dick from the constraints of my clothes. It's his turn next. Unbuttoning his shirt, I moan at the sight of his toned chest and one of his nipples just asks me to suck it. Aaron throws his head back in pleasure, making an odd noise, somewhere between a groan and a growl. I want to hear it again, so I turn my attention to his trousers. They are straining so much over his erection that it's almost comical. Gladly, I slip his trousers down his ass, glazing my hand down his crack as I do. His body almost quivers, and I can't remember wanting anything as much as I want him.

"JACKSON!"

Shit. My mother is calling my name just as I am about to fuck my boyfriend.

Frustrated and ridiculously annoyed, I pull myself off Aaron. The moment has been ruined. I could have sworn he whined.

"Damn your mother," he mutters snappily.

I have to agree with him. She really does have the worst timing in the world.

I sigh. "I'll go and see what she wants. I'll see you in a bit."

He nods and gazes at me with a smile.

"What?"

"I like you."

Hmm. Not quite the four-letter 'l' I was hoping for, but for Aaron, 'like' is a very big word. "I like you too," I reply, smiling.

I kiss him before I leave the room, and he watches me go. Feeling rather pleased with myself, I head down to the kitchen to see my mother.

She's standing at the counter, nursing a cup of what smells like strong coffee. I expect her to smile at me, but she doesn't and I briefly wonder what's going on. As I look at Paddy sitting at the table, I begin to wish I had never come down the stairs. It's obvious that there's something wrong. It's obvious too, that it's something to do with Aaron.

"What's going on," I ask worriedly, looking from Paddy to my mum.

Paddy swallows. "Did he tell you what was wrong with him?"

"I… no. He just told me that he'd sort it."

Paddy nods. "I think I already know."

It's then that I notice that he's holding a manila envelope with Aaron's name on it. He sees me glancing at it.

"I found this just now, when I was putting his stuff away. I didn't think anything of it, but then I realised… it's got 'HM Prison' on it."

My heart stops. What has Aaron got himself into this time?

"It's a visiting order."

"From who?"

"Gordon Livesy. It's Aaron's dad. He's been charged with domestic violence."

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**A/N: Hello everyone! I fell in love with Aaron/Jackson back in June and I've been thinking about writing this for a few weeks now. It's my first slash fic, so please tell me what you think. Thank you for reading!  
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